Home
by SunKrux
Summary: What Aeryn felt after Zhaan left. COMPLETE


Title: Home by SunKrux  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, zip, zilch, nada. The characters belong to Henson & company, the song to Mr. Henley. My muse beat me into submission…that's why I wrote this.  
  
Note: the song, "Taking You Home" by Don Henley, inspired this.  
  
Rating: Safe for children of all ages.  
  
Spoilers: Yep, sadly, there is one. So, if you haven't seen any of Season/Series 3, DO NOT read this! This story takes place days after "SIW, p2; WFTW"! You have been warned.  
  
Non-spoilerish type note: This is my take on what Aeryn may be feeling about what's happened to her, and to…well, read the story.  
  
Personal note: This is the first fan fic I have actually posted anywhere. So, please…be kind! :) Thank you. :) Elfie…thanks for the help, especially with the Ryg problem! ;) Oh, yeah, if you want to archive it…let me know. :)  
  
1 Taking You Home  
  
(Don Henley/Stan Lynch/Stuart Brawley)  
  
I had a good life  
  
Before you came  
  
I had my friends and my freedom  
  
I had my name  
  
Still there was sorrow and emptiness  
  
'Til you made me glad  
  
Oh, in this love I found strength  
  
I never knew I had  
  
Chorus  
  
And this love  
  
Is like nothing I have ever known  
  
Take my hand, love  
  
I'm taking you home  
  
I'm taking you home  
  
There were days, lonely days  
  
When the world wouldn't throw me  
  
a crumb  
  
But I kept on believing  
  
That this day would come  
  
And this love  
  
Is like nothing I have ever know  
  
Take my hand, love  
  
I'm taking you home  
  
I'm taking you- home  
  
Where we can be with the ones  
  
who really care  
  
Home, where we can grow together  
  
Keep you in my heart forever  
  
Repeat chorus- twice  
  
  
  
"I know what this will cost you," whispered in her mind, causing the memory of that day to come flooding back. She gripped the table unsure of what was happening.  
  
"You okay?" he asked, noticing how pale she turned. Slowly Aeryn got up, not daring to look at John, "I'm…fine," she managed as she left the center chamber.  
  
"Aeryn?" John called after her. She kept walking. She was finding it hard to breath. She couldn't really see where she was going. When she finally did stop, she realized that she was in front of Pilot's chamber. She turned to leave,  
  
"Officer Sun, Commander Crichton seems worried about you. He just asked if I had seen you." Pilot called.  
  
Aeryn wiped her face with the back of her hand before facing him; she didn't want Pilot to see her tears.  
  
"I'm fine, Pilot." Aeryn managed.  
  
"Shall I let Commander Crichton know where you are?" Pilot inquired.  
  
"No." Aeryn replied, wearily.  
  
Pilot looked at Aeryn confused. Aeryn took a few steps, bringing her just inside the door. She felt the breeze as Pilot shut it. Some how, he knew she needed to be alone…but not totally alone.  
  
"You miss her," he observed quietly.  
  
Aeryn stood there starring but not really looking at anything. Pilot watched her, ready to call Crichton, if needed.  
  
"Officer Sun?" Pilot said softly.  
  
Aeryn shook her head trying to clear the memories from her mind. When she looked at Pilot, he could see the pain and confusion she was struggling to understand and control. After a moment, Aeryn moved next to Pilot. She climbed on the console and sat down.  
  
"How are you and Moya doing?" she asked  
  
"We miss her as well," Pilot replied reaching up and touching Aeryn's face. Aeryn's eyes filled, again. She touched Pilot's hand. They didn't speak for a long time.  
  
Finally, Aeryn broke the silence. "Pilot, will you tell Moya, I'm sorry?"  
  
Pilot looked at Aeryn, "Officer Sun, it is not your fault she's gone."  
  
"Yes it is. If she hadn't…"Aeryn started, not noticing that Pilot had let John in.  
  
"If she hadn't what, Aeryn? If she hadn't shared Unity with you, brought you back to us? Neither of us would be here." John stated.  
  
Aeryn looked up, tears in her eyes. "You wouldn't do that," she told him, needing to believe that he wouldn't stop living.  
  
"Aeryn, baby, when you were…"John hesitated, knowing how hard the past several days had been on her.  
  
"When I was what? Dead?" She demanded.  
  
"I wanted to die. Zhaan tried to help me, but D'Argo and Stark stopped her." He finished.  
  
Aeryn finally turned to face him, fresh tears in her eyes, "I don't understand why she did it. I'm just a soldier."  
  
John walked over to Aeryn, put his hands on her legs, "Baby, you are so much more."  
  
Aeryn just looked at John, "No, I'm not," Aeryn shook her head.  
  
"Officer Su…Aeryn, Moya and I are glad you are still with us." Pilot offered, touching Aeryn's cheek. She managed a small smile.  
  
"Aeryn, I'm glad you're still here. We all miss Zhaan. I can only imagine what you are feeling," John said, motioning her down. Aeryn just looked at him. She didn't really want to talk anymore. With Zhaan gone, she was feeling guilty.  
  
* 'Why are you doing this?' "Because I love you. More importantly, Crichton loves you. You must take this gift, not for my sake, but for his." 'I can't. I know your thoughts and I know what this will cost you.'*  
  
Aeryn looked at John, she wanted to trust him. Slowly she got down. Before following John, she spoke, "Pilot, thank you."  
  
John smiled and held out his hand, "Take my hand."  
  
Aeryn looked at him, then his hand, "Where are you taking me?"  
  
"Just take my hand, would ya?" John asked.  
  
Aeryn sighed and took his hand.  
  
"Now, close your eyes." John whispered.  
  
"John, I…"Aeryn started.  
  
"Just do it," John coaxed, "I'm not going to hurt you," he added.  
  
Aeryn slowly let out her breath, and then closed her eyes. As they started walking, Aeryn tried to open her eyes.  
  
"Keep 'em shut," was all she heard, then she felt John's hand covering her eyes, "Just in case you try to peek again."  
  
Aeryn tried to shake her head as she laughed a little, "I'm not going to peek again, I promise."  
  
John took his hand down. They continued walking.  
  
"Where are we going?" she asked  
  
"You'll see," John replied  
  
"No I won't. My eyes are closed, remember." Aeryn reminded him  
  
"Make sure they stay that way until I tell you to open them." John answered  
  
Aeryn could hear voices as they rounded a corner, "Can I open my eyes now?" she asked  
  
"Not yet." John told her, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. He couldn't believe she was letting him do this. Lead her around Moya without being able to see. Aeryn was beginning to get impatient, "Where are you taking me?" she demanded again.  
  
"I'm taking you home." John told her.  
  
Aeryn stopped moving, panic started to creep up.  
  
"What?" she asked, surprised  
  
"What did you say?" she almost yelled at John, her eyes still closed. "Answer me."  
  
She heard a door open; the voices were much louder now.  
  
"I said, I'm taking you home." John answered as he turned her towards the door, "Open your eyes now." John said as he joined the others. Chiana, D'Argo, and Rygel, were standing in front of the table in the center chamber. Jool was sitting in the corner.  
  
"What's all this?" Aeryn asked, confused.  
  
"Welcome home, Aeryn. I made some of your favorite food." Chiana said, grabbing Aeryn's hand and pulling her into the room.  
  
D'Argo gently but firmly squeezed her shoulder, "Welcome home."  
  
Rygel floated close to Aeryn and patted her arm, "I'll return everything. I swear."  
  
"I'm glad you are here to hover over me, when I need it." Stark mentioned.  
  
Aeryn just stood there. She looked at John and turned to leave. She wasn't sure she could handle this, the rest of them being nice to her. John caught her before she could leave. He whispered, "Chi did this. You don't want to disappoint her, do you?"  
  
"Why didn't I get a party?" Jool demanded from her corner,  
  
Chiana walked over to Jool, "Do not make me tralk slap you," she quietly threatened.  
  
"Jool, before you woke up, I…"Aeryn couldn't finish. Every time she thought of that…it reminded her that Zhaan was gone, because of her.  
  
"Aeryn was out of commission for a bit." John finished, holding Aeryn's hand, keeping her from running.  
  
Pilot's image popped up on the clamshell, "Officer Sun was greatly missed, as is Zhaan," he added.  
  
Aeryn turned to face the clamshell and smiled, "Thank you, Pilot."  
  
John walked Aeryn over to the table. Aeryn hoped that he couldn't feel her trembling. If he did, he didn't say anything. He just quietly handed her a plate, some raslak and sat next to her. They ate, laughed and shared memories of Zhaan. Finally everyone got quiet. Aeryn took this chance to say thank you to her friends and left. She made her way to her quarters. Aeryn opened the doors and just stood there. She wasn't sleepy, but she was tired. Thinking about everything that had happened recently was giving her a headache. She sighed, "I suppose I should try to sleep," she muttered. Aeryn striped down to her underclothes and crawled under the covers. She lay on her back for a long time, staring at the ceiling. She thought she heard footsteps in the corridor. She rolled onto her side, her back facing the doors. She didn't want to talk anymore. She heard the doors open and someone enter quietly. She knew it was John, without having to move. She didn't move. She wanted him to believe she was asleep. As she closed her eyes, tears slowly slid down onto her pillow.  
  
*Please don't come any closer* she willed John to leave. She didn't realize she was holding her breath until he left. She lay in that position for what seemed like arns, unable to sleep. Sighing she got up, wrapped up in the blanket and headed out of her quarters. She wandered around for a while until she finally came to the terrace. She walked to the middle of the room and slowly sank to the floor. She looked up at the stars and wondered if what John had told her was true…that when beings die loved ones greet them. She hoped so, for Zhaan's sake. As she continued to look at the stars, she didn't feel quite so sad. She still didn't like that Zhaan died to save her, but she was grateful. Taking a deep breath, Aeryn started to speak, "Zhaan, I don't know if you can hear me. I just wanted to thank you for this gift. I still don't completely understand why you gave it to me." Aeryn pulled her knees up and crossed her arms over them. She put her head down as she cried, softly. She wasn't sure what was happening but she could hear, no feel Zhaan's voice in her mind, "You are where you belong, with those that love and care for you. Moya is home." Aeryn looked up when she felt someone place another blanket around her shoulders.  
  
"It's kind of chilly in here." John mentioned.  
  
Aeryn didn't move.  
  
"You ok?" John asked, sitting next to her.  
  
Aeryn shook her head yes.  
  
"Want to talk?" he gently urged.  
  
Aeryn looked at John, tears in her eyes, "Moya is home".  
  
End 


End file.
